Huge Step

I bet you all thought I had abandoned this blog like I do with everything else I start after 3 months. But, HA, I’m still here 😀 Sorry for the huge delay in posting (two months!!!)

A lot has happened since my last post. Many things in the personal realm (but I won’t bore you with those details). I did want to give a shout out to my husband, who graduated with his MFA in late May: GO ADAM!

Anyhoo, I wrote the following post about a month and a half ago, after an exciting-to-me overcoming myself experience. After writing it, I spent the next few weeks debating if I should even post it, or if it made me look like a coward, and then I lost track of time. But, I eventually decided that, yes, I will post this entry, because it has caused a chain reaction of other small triumphs, and therefore, is significant enough to take a little space in the world wide web. So, without further ado, here’s the entry:

6/4/2014

I took a huge step today. Well, huge for me anyway…I left the house for a want…not a need.

Let me preface this. Those who know me extremely well (Mom and Adam) know that I have fought, and engage daily, a tremendous mind battle with the thought of going out with “Bob” (aka stick). I mean World War of the mind kind of battle. I waited probably 3 years longer than I should’ve before humbling myself enough to even consider picking up the thing. Since I’ve learned the *ahem* art of traveling with Bob, I have only done so out of absolute necessity.

I know, I know. I can’t tell you the number of times mobility instructors (the people that train you in stick-walking) have told me I need to just get out there and take a walk…But my manner of approaching, well almost everything, consists of a sort of cost/benefit analysis. Will the benefit outweigh the discomfort I must go through in order to attain? Usually, with Bob, it’s a no. Sure, going to work and work related things are one thing. There the benefit definitely outweighs the cost. I’d rather deal with a little embarrassment and enjoy a meaningful career. Likewise, there has been various “necessity” instances where I ventured out, but when it comes to simply wanting something, the cost of a Bob walk always overshadows the benefit.

That brings me to today…

So, I came across a pair of shoes in Aldo the other day that were quite awesome. Simple, flat canvas-like shoes with a multi-colored pattern…. funky shoes to wear in the summer that are not sandals. Anyway, I went back for a second look when walking with Adam one day, and they happened to be on sale at a really good deal…but there was only one pair left in the store (they must be popular). I ordered a pair in my size to the store and went about my merry way.

Now, I am jetting off to visit my family this weekend, and my shoes are in transit. I really want to get them before I go to have a chance to break them in and see if I can find any outfits to go along with them. I cross my fingers that they come in by today…and they do! Ahhhhhh!!! Shoes!

BUT…..my guide-Adam happens to have a life, and isn’t available this evening. Crap. Hmmm. I could wait til tomorrow…but I really wanted to wear the shoes! I am home. I can go get them. Now comes the mind battle. The artillery comes out. I can definitely go get them, the store is only a couple blocks away. But, I have never gone to the store alone before and it is in a row of other doors, how will I find it? I could ask someone. I don’t want to ask someone. What if I make a fool of myself? C’mon Bekah, you do that on a daily basis. I really want those shoes…it’d be pretty pathetic not to get them because I chickened out….

It was looking like the cons were going to win…but then, scrolling through some notes on my phone on a deleting spree, I came across a note I wrote last year when my cat was sick and I had to step up to the plate (I’ll have to post it), and it inspired me. With one fell swoop, the pros won the battle, and I scampered out the door before I changed my mind.

The walk really wasn’t too bad. When I got to the busy road I had to cross, someone asked if I needed help, and I used the moment to ask where exactly the shoe store was (I knew the general vicinity on the street, but not exactly where). My luck, the guy just happened to be going that way, and walked along with me until I got to the store, where he showed me the door. I walked in, maneuvered to the counter, and secured my shoes! YES. Unfortunately, in my haste on the way out I ran into just about everything in the store, thoroughly embarrassing myself, but ah, well…they’ll probably remember me there. I got back across the road and journeyed back to my door, no problem.

Once inside, I commenced in the essential happy dance. I know this is a really small thing in the blind and sighted community both, but like I said in the beginning of this post, only those who know me extremely well understand the intense anxiety I have over such minute feats.

So, I end in pun…

My shoe journey was one small step for man, but one giant leap for Bekah-kind.

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13 thoughts on “Huge Step

  1. You go girl !!! I we are warriors when it comes to the battle of the mind ! Happy you over came and got the SHOES!!!! 🙂

  2. I very much enjoyed reading that. Thank you so much for sharing. We all have fears. Mine is my weight. I can hide in my home and never go out heck I even get to work from home now so I have had to recently force myself to go out with my family. Fear of ridicule and those laughing behind my back at the size I have become is what stops me. So I completely understand the fear of going out.

    1. I suppose we all have fears about what we look like to others…but that is where we can encourage and inspire each other to overcome 🙂 I’m glad I can encourage you and others with my own stories of fears. Keep overcominga! Life is too short.

  3. I am proud of you Bekah! Your blog inspires me as you continue to live life and not let negative circumstances defy you. Keep making small steps of progress, and one day you will look back and see how far you have come!! Even looking back now, I can see giant progress!!! I miss you and our chats over delicious coffees…. I’m happy to see you doing well!

    1. I miss our coffee talks too! It’s cool that you’ve noticed my progress. I certainly have as of late. So glad I can be an inspiration. You inspire me as well, by just being you!

  4. Love it Bekah; please keep writing!
    I also think that you could be a “stand-up”comedian as a second job. You always have me laughing!
    Love you and see you soon,
    Mom

  5. Bekah, that is an AWESOME journey and story to show your triumph! You’re so inspiring and I love how you tell your perspective… really makes me… well… open my eyes a little more!

    I’m proud of ya AND you have some new awesome shoes. 🙂

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